For Legal and Privacy concerns all names in these blogs have been changed. 


XXI


My Writing Journey PT 2


The Haven.

     I created these three female characters while sitting on the bed of one of my exes. He was interested in magic and called himself a Wicca. He sparked the interest in that stuff and I never stopped after. The show Charmed had a big sway in how I wrote these three charcters: Duvessa, Nydia, and Belladona.

     With those three, The Curse of the Scott Sisters was born. Even though the first chapter I wrote was thrown away at first. My ex pulled it out of the trash bin telling me not to throw it away, that it had potential. I doubted him entirely because what measly story about three witch sisters would be anything but good.

     That was the runoff. It started, the story. Of course, these three charcters were not even the main ones. They did start the progress of me free writing an entire triology that spanned 11 years of writing. I started it in 2010 and finished 2021, right after the Covid quarentine. Is spent a lot of 2020 finishing the ending to the epic story. Leaving it open to have a spin off if I wanted to ever revisit the chacters I created over those years.

   

     They were not the only ones I made up through that time. The Haven has a sister story called Tragic Tale. The main story arch is about a female savior that needs to save the world of fairy tales. Ingrid Fitz goes from being a boring librarian in Mcgraw, New York to a half fairy that teams up with a group of literary charcters to save the world of magic of dark forces.

     I wrote that entire story in a year, along with the second addition to The Haven. I spent a year doing absoultely nothing but get high and write. It was a dark time in my life and my work reflects that period. The best part of these stories is that the characters go in between them, Ingrid meet Theo Yates, who is my main charcter for the supernatural story.

     I love all my chacrters and each one has a role in what I write. Some of them are spwans of people I have met. There are a few that are representations of the people that have wronged me. Yes, it is true. Writers do indeed name some charcters after others, and what I do is not in the norm. I will, and if you made my life a mess, kill you in a story. There…have what that means.

     Theo. Ingrid. My two children charcters that I will never want to give up. They are the ones that helped me though it when I had no one. Ingrid taught me that even though you have no one in life there is still a entire world that needs you. Theo taight me to be strong even if this world is giving it’s all to knock you down. But the charcter that means the most ot me is Mayflower.

     Mayflower.

     The one charcter that represented me to the core. Her arch in The Haven: Curse of the Scott Sisters is nothing but who I am. She starts off with a secret agenda and is as vile as the Wicked Witch of the West. Then when she loses her memory you will learn that she is a caring, down to earth, kind person who wants nothing but to be loved. She is the centerpiece of my book.

     Her fate in the second addition of her books are one that I wish I could rewrite, but sometimes you can not come back from what is written. I will never change her story line. It’s not that I don’t want to, because she is my favorite, but somethings have to happen; are meant to be coursed no matter how painful it is to make it happen.

     ou can guess what happens… Shush, I will not spoil my own book.

     After the show Pretty Little Liars ended I wanted a ending that was better. Something worth given. So, I came up with a great idea for a mystery story that follows something I am familar with, The Phantom of the Creek.

     The Phantom is the thing that I came up with. The make a gritty murder story with enough suspense. This was the first time that I did chapters with different character perspectives. You have no clue who did the deed, which was killing Shawn Miller. See, a spin on my own name, which I do quite alot.

     If you ever read a piece of work that I write and see the name Aiden. That is me. I am Aiden. That is the name I picked to be me. It originated from my club days. I was named Aiden Skye, and that has become my writing persona since then.

     It is 2023. I have nothing published. Nothing at all. I have been working on the same chapter for a year now, chapter 19: the crash. It is the chapter that is given me so much hassle. The Haven is a dark story that when I rewrite it I feel all those feelings when I wrote it back in 2010–2011.

     When I write I feel the memories and feelings of when I wrote it in the beginning. I recollect how I feel which brings me down. I stop writing. I sit there and dwell. I hate that feeling. But of course, I stopped writing because of my drug addiction.

     Now adays I sit and blog. I have two that I constantly add too.

DearTylerMichael.com

and

Holiday-In-Vienna.Com

     One is for the love letters to my ex. Pathetic, but it’s raw emotions that I need to get out. The second is just a daily blog that I started once I found out that I had HIV. Holiday In Vienna, HIV. PUNNY….

I hope that by the end of 2023 that I have something worth publishing. I need that for myself. I need to be in a good place to have something ready. I have friends that are published and I live through them. Because I know that the feeling of having something tangible is the goal. To feel good, the feeling of worth. Worthy.

✌🏽

7.9.23

 


XXII


Black Hole


     This is somewhat new…I a blogging tomorrows post right now, the day before. 

     I just wanna get out my feelings right now. I know that Tucker does all this mind games and heart pulling because he likes it. He likes knowing that he is making me suffere. There is no other person he is seeing, he just said that to hurt me. He does that. That's just who he is. He is toying me along for his own enjoyment. He knows I will give in all the time to him, that I can not say no. I wonder how many other of me there are out there.

     This is for you Tucker.

     Fuck you. 

🖕🏽   

     I do not feel any better. But hey, atleast I said that. You should be happy that you get to walk freely right now knowing all the shit you have put me through and that I have yet to actually file any real chargers on you. You fucked my life up to the point where I am here with nothing and I am still having feelings for you. But for real, when is enough enough? How long will I cointune to let you have power over me? You get off this because that's just who you are. A fucking psychopath that twists the truth and takes what ever he wants. You're a joke…and not even a good one.

     Now its the tenth… Victoria just made some time for me this morning. She and I have been friends since freshman year of high school. I appriciate how much of me she can handle. I am a force to be taken back from, someone who people say is a mess. That is funny, because one of my friends that I grew up with their mom said that also. She never wanted her son to hang out with me because of the bad influence I was. And back then, I was calm…just a little mean.

     I enjoy seeing Victoria. She always makes my soul calmer. She is the one person that I can tell anything too and that doesn't ever judge me based on the things I tell her. She and I go way back. We dated once before and that almost broke our friendship. We are going on sixteen years of being friends. That's crazy, since 2006. Time sure flies when there is nothing going on in my life. It's crazy to think about it.

     She thinks I am better here than I was in Orlando. Her opinions of Tucker are strong, just like my other two best friends. It seems that that is the right thing to think when you think of Tucker. I need to realize that. He is not good for me. He is never going to be the person I knew when I first met him. He was so vunerable then, so open, so nice. What happened to that frail and willing person I met on February 26th. I do miss that version of Tucker, but I will never have it again.

     I need to move on. I need to let Tucker go. It is easier said than done but his energy and his force is like a black hole. I get sucked in whenever he wants to talk to me. I am always going to crawl back to him because I do have massive feelings for him. I am attached and that is how he wants it. To best explain how I feel: I am a mouse stuck in a coil of a snake. The more I squiarm for attention and love the more it binds me. I am choking on nothing at this point. There is nothing being given to me just things being taken. 

     I am finding out day and day that more people I know have HIV. It's intense to think about and I wonder how they got it. I am still not sure of how I got it. I always resort back to Merritt Island, which was in before I met Tyler. I know I got very sick back in December of 2022 and was out for five days, It was not good but could that have been related to my diagnosis. If it isn't then we all know where I got it from, and I dare to say it outloud. 

     Tucker.

     I have yet to post about the night when Tucker and I first fooled around. I had no intentions of doing so with him nor did I think he was attractive. But it happened. I remember we were on my bed after him trying to point me for hours. It took him a long time to figure it out, and I was so open to him trying. He poked me over a dozen times and with him sitting behind me it worked. Just like the movie Ghost, he did it. 

     I recall him tell him that day that he wanted a hug. Oh I do miss those hugs I got from him. They were special and comfortable. He always made sure that i was alright and he cared. He cared… That is something that I really miss, Tucker caring for me. I know that he does in a weird, twisted, sick way. He only cares about what he can get from me, and i know that it's money and pain. He will never be the same person I met that night.

     After he finished he told me, well asked me if I read his grindr profile. I responded with telling him that I did read some of it and that's when he disclosed that he had HIV. At the time he told me that he was off his meds and that his body was basically undetectable, which the doctors said as different. At that time i did not really care if I got HIV, because I parTied way to much to care. Suprise. In a month or two I was positive and this blog was born. 

      The things that hold me back from not letting this take over my life is that I am stronger. I know my own body and my immune system is perfectly well. I take my medicine everyday and I make sure I am good. I have my meeting with CAN Community health on Thursday….well I was told Thursday, I just checked and it says wednesday the 12th. I need to call them…My interview is for Wednesday. 

      I am about to join a zoom meeting for NA…Wish me luck… 

      It was nice. It was nice to hear some others exprss themselves and tell their stories. I will open up more. I am shy right now and I am worried I will say the wrong things. I noticed that I am seven days clean, which is good for me. I hadn't really thought about that, and I kinda lost myself in my day. I haven't be lost in a day in a while, it feels nice.

     There are things that I wish I could talk about on here but I can't There is one thing that I need to talk impliment in my life, a positive outlook. That is something that Tucker always told me to do. He said people do not want to be around me because I look like a sad boy all the time. He thinks that I get off by being depressed. I dislike being sad, in reality. I dislike it so much, and if i could change that then I would. Who wakes up in the morning longing for substances, longing for company, longing for normalcy, I do.

     I took a nap around four O' clock. Being socialble is not something that I am accustomed too. From Victoria, Zoom, and a unplanned meeting of one of my exes: I was very sociable. I have an idea what I want to do with my life. I know that I need to make amends with the people I scorned and I do plan that one day; but I need to do that. Along with that I plan on paying everyone back. I plan to pay back my roomates for covering the rent for the months I did not pay for. I plan to pay back the people the helped me out all this time. I plan on paying back Tucker for his broken windshield, and I plan on paying back anything else that I did when I was under the influence of my drug of choice. 

    I need to do this. I need to repay them back and earn my good name back. I am not my drug. I am not my dues. I am Aiden and I am a nice, caring, realiable person who is very appriciative of the ones that have helped me and to the ones I screwed over. Before I can do anything I want with my life, I need to fix the issues I caused in others. I promise, that I will do better. I am doing better...

✌🏽

7.10.23


XXIII


It will Work Out


     The time is now…haha. Its 2:40 in the afternoon. This is one of the latest in the day post i have wrote. I have been watching The Boys for most of the day, it rained pretty hard earlier which made my plans to go to the card store unlikely. Today just has been a relaxed day. I have been working on my website, blogs, my other stuff. 

     OH!!!

     Good news. I got my twitter account back. The positive news is just going when you think in a good mood. I want to make some food. I have a bag of pizza rolls waiting for me. I really do not have much to say today. I am calm. I wanted to keep looking for a job. tomorrow is my CAN Community meeting. I am excited for the furture and I want things to work out. I have to be positive that it all will work out.

✌🏽

7.11.22