For Legal and Privacy concerns all names in these blogs have been changed. 


Post I 


UNKNOWN POSITIVITY.


     IT’S SCARY. NOT KNOWING EVERYTHING OR UNDERSTANDING IT. HOW CAN ONE SINGLE PERSON TRY TO OBTAIN ALL THE KNOWLEDGE IN THE WORLD? THEY SIMPLY CAN’T. THAT IS SOMETHING I NEED TO REALIZE, THAT SOMETIMES CLARITY ISN’T ALWAYS BEST. WHAT IF WE, AS HUMANS, ARE MEANT TO NOT KNOW AND GO THROUGH LIFE WONDERING WHAT THINGS MEAN?

     TODAY I AM GETTING TESTED AND SCREENED FOR HIV. I DID TWO HOME TESTS, AND THE RESULTS WERE AS I EXPECTED. I’M NO SAINT, AND I HAVE BEEN AROUND THE BLOCK A COUPLE OF TIMES…OKAY, A FEW.  I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THIS DAY WAS COMING AND I’M LESS FRANTIC ABOUT KNOWING THAN I SHOULD BE.

     I'M WORRIED, YES, BECAUSE MY ENTIRE LIFE IS GOING TO CHANGE. WHO I SLEEP WITH. WHO WILL JUDGE ME. WHO WILL VALIDATE ME. BUT ALL THAT DOES NOT MATTER BECAUSE MY OWN SELF-WORTH IS THE FAR MOST IMPORTANT THING THAT NEEDS TO BE FOCUSED ON. I NEED TO BE OKAY IN THE SKIN I HAVE BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WILL IF I DON’T LOVE MYSELF..

     HERE I AM, SITTING AT THE CLINIC WITH A MYRIAD OF THINGS GOING ON IN MY LIFE. FROM AN ASSAULT CASE FINALLY BEING CONCLUDED, TO MY PARTNER NOT WANTING TO BE AROUND ME BECAUSE I HAVE TOXIC ANGER PROBLEMS. I’M ADDRESSING THE NEGATIVE PARTS OF ME, HAPPY THAT MY ASSAILANT IS FINALLY GETTING WHAT SHE DEALT WHEN SHE HIT ME. BUT WHAT DO I DO ABOUT ALL OF IT AS A WHOLE.

     I HAVE NO CLUE WHAT TO EXPECT BUT I AM ABOUT TO GO FIND OUT THE TRUTH IF I HAVE HIV…

     THAT WAS SWIFT, AND FOR SOME ODD FORCE IN THE UNIVERSE, I AM CALM. I’M NOT FREAKING OUT ABOUT MY RESULTS OR THE SITUATION AT HAND. ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS, WHAT’S NEXT? WHAT AM I GOING TO GO THROUGH AND HOW WILL I COPE WITH ALL THIS. AND IF YOU HAVEN’T REALIZED AT THIS TIME OF MY DIAGNOSIS, I AM INDEED POSITIVE.

     I THINK I PREPPED MYSELF FOR MONTHS ALREADY KNOWING THE OUTCOME OF ANY TEST. TO PINPOINT THE EXACT MOMENT, I THINK I GOT IT WAS BACK IN NOVEMBER OR DECEMBER. IT WAS FROM A GUY IN MERRITT ISLAND THAT WAS A RANDOM INTERACTION. IT’S IRONIC THAT A RANDOM INTERACTION CAN CHANGE YOUR ENTIRE LIFE FOR THE NEGATIVE, WELL IN THIS CASE POSITIVE.

     OF COURSE, I SHOULD HAVE BEEN PRACTICING SAFE SEX AND NOT PUTTING MYSELF IN DANGEROUS SITUATIONS. TIMES HAVE CHANGED IMMENSELY SINCE I FIRST HEARD ABOUT THIS DISEASE AND THE FIRST PERSON THAT I KNEW WAS SOMEONE IN MY FAMILY. MY UNCLE TO BE EXACT, AND HE IS EVERYTHING WRONG WITH THE GAY COMMUNITY WRAPPED IN A HORRENDOUS INDIVIDUAL.

    THINGS HAPPEN AND PEOPLE DO THINGS THAT THEY MIGHT NOT REGRET UNTIL MONTHS LATER. THAT’S PROBABLY THE CASE WITH ME AT THIS EXACT MOMENT. I’M SITTING HERE AT CREWHEALTH KNOWING MY STATUS AND AS COOL AS A CUCUMBER. WHY IS THAT A SAYING ANYWAY, “COOL LIKE A CUCUMBER”?

     I’VE ALWAYS BEEN CALM AND COLLECTED EVER SINCE I WAS A KID. BEING RELAXED HAS BEEN A REGULAR THING IN MY LIFE, I COULDN’T EVEN THINK TO A TIME WHERE I WAS FRANTIC. EVEN WHEN I WAS LET GO FROM DISNEY, I WAS CALM ON THE EXTERIOR BUT INSIDE I WAS FUMING WITH BETRAYAL AND ANGER.

     THINGS HAPPEN FOR A REASON.     

     LIKE JUST NOW, THE RECEPTIONIST AT CREWHEALTH LOOKED AT ME THEN QUOTED A DAPHNE LINE FROM SCOOBY-DOO ON ZOMBIE ISLAND. “YOU CAN FEEL THE CHILL IN THE AIR, SOMEBODY CLOSE A WINDOW!” THE WEIRDNESS ABOUT THAT BEING SAID TO ME IS THAT WHEN I NEEDED COMFORT DURING COVID I WOULD RESORT TO WATCHING ANYTHING SCOOBY-DOO. IT WAS NICE KNOWING THAT THE MONSTERS OF THE WORLD WERE JUST OTHER PEOPLE IN MASKS.

     TO CALM ME DOWN FROM THIS ENTIRE EXPERIENCE WOULD BE SIMPLE. I WOULD NAP, SHOWER, OR TAKE A BATH. I HAVE A THOUGHT IN MY HEAD THAT TELLS ME THAT I AM STRONG ENOUGH TO CONQUER THIS AND NOT TO LET IT TAKE ME DOWN1 I CAN TAKE ANYTHING THAT I SET MY MIND TO DO, AND I MEAN ANYTHING. SO, I’LL PROBABLY GO HOME WATCH SCOOBY-DOO AND TAKE A NAP…MAYBE CRY.. 

     PEOPLE AMAZE ME AT TIMES, AND BY THAT, I MEAN STRANGERS. YOU NEED TO MEET CERTAIN PEOPLE AT THE CORRECT TIME IN YOUR LIFE TO MAKE YOU UNDERSTAND YOUR PURPOSE, TO REGAIN FAITH. IT’S SOMETHING I’M WORKING ON, TO TRUST THE UNFAMILIAR AND JUST TO BE OPEN MINDED WHEN IT COMES TO OTHER PERSPECTIVES. I DARE YOU TO TRY IT AND I BET YOUR LIFE WITH DO A 180 WITH UPLIFTING POSITIVITY.

     POSITIVE. THAT’S THE ENTIRE STANDPOINT OF THIS POST, OF THIS ENTREE. HAVING A POSITIVE MINDSET WILL HELP BETTER YOU TO HAVING A BETTER LIFE AND GOOD WELL-BEING. YOU JUST HAVE TO STAY FOCUSED, BE NICE, AND HAVE THAT SUPPORT OF FAMILY AND FRIENDS TO KEEP YOU MOTIVATED.

     I ENCOURAGE EVERYONE TO TAKE THAT LEAP. BE THE BIGGER PERSON EVEN WHEN YOU KNOW THAT YOU WERE RIGHT. TAKE OTHER FEELINGS INTO ACCOUNT WHEN MENDING A RELATIONSHIP. LISTEN TO STRANGERS WHEN THEY SHARE THEIR EXPERIENCES. AND WHEN SOMEONE NEEDS HELP, GIVE IT, BECAUSE YOU COULD BE THAT ONE LIFELINE THAT PULLS THEM OUT OF THE DARKEST ABYSS.

     BE THE CHANGE IN THE WORLD. BE THE POSITIVE OUTLOOK IN SOMEONE ELSE’S LIFE. ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS BE THERE, SHOW UP, AND BE YOU. YOU ARE THE SINGLE FACTOR ON THE PLANET THAT CAN CHANGE ANYTHING, BUT IT MUST START THERE IT MUST START WITH YOU. 

     BY THE WAY I’M HIV POSITIVE AND NO, IT’S NOT THE END OF THE WORLD. IT’S THE START OF SOMETHING NEW, SCARY, DIFFERENT, BUT ALL IN ALL, I’M STILL THE SAME PERSON I WAS. I’M STILL AIDEN TYLER AND NOTHING WILL MAKE MY MORALITY WITHER. I AM WHO I AM, AND I WILL BE TRUE TO THAT UNTIL THE DAY I LEAVE THIS WORLD.

     NOW I AM HOME, RELAXING IN BED TRYING YO COLLECT ALL THES THOUGHTS I HAVE INTO SOMETHING MEANINGFUL. THE HOURS FEEL LIKE DAYS RIGHT NOW AFTER THE EXPERIENCE. 

     THERE ARE THINGS OUT OF MY CONTROL AND THERE ARE SOME THAT  NOT. THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING I CAN CONTROL IS MYSELF, MY BODY, MY MOUTH, MY DICK, AND THE WAY I TREAT OTHERS.  IT'S ALL I CAN DO AT THIS POINT.

✌🏽

04/21/2024


Post II


Not Feeling Content


     Things that occurred to me when I hit create all those months ago are not things I thought would matter at this point. It’s been eight months since that day, but my Onlyfans journey did not start till December 6th, precisely. The only reason I can account for the exact day was because it was the day I was let go from Disney. I had free reigns.

     The control on my personal life was mine again…

     My confidence rose when I started my twitter and became comfortable posting more and more content. It was something that I did not think would happen. Who knew that I would feel better of my body just because I got nine likes and one retweet on my very first post. That’s basically the same stats I am getting now as a “Content Creator”.

     To me that is not a lot. I would think that my growth on Twitter and Onlyfans have gained, but in all honestly I don’t think I am good at this. I have one-thousand, four hundred and three followers on the little blue app, for almost two weeks I have been treading at 1,400. I want to be 1.5 by my birthday in two weeks but I have my doubts.

     It does suck thinking that you are a failure, because I am starting to think that more and more as this creator journey go on. Do I have what it takes to keep going? I want to say yet, but at this rate it’s not looking so prosperous. The few reason why I think this are main factors in being a successful Content Creator.

     When being as such a creator needs to collaborate with others. This variable helps them get noticed and bring traffic to their content as well as the other participant. I have filmed and photographed many others with me in may content, but their consent to post said items are what hinders me from posting. 

     At the time of being created, the other participants agreed and consented to me publishing. Yet, when the time comes of me putting in on the sites they back down and revoke their consent. It’a frustrating to me that one would go back on their word, but it is their personal choice for their bare body to be plastered all over the internet for just $8, and they don’t even make that, I do.

      submitted my application into Twitter to be monetized. That is where I can make money for what I am doing ion the platform. I hope people will subscribe to me once I do get it, but I am already prepping myself for the chances of my application not being approved…I submitted that about a week an d half ago, so any day now I will hear back from the gods of Twitter with my sentencing,. 

     The two things I want to accomplish if I continue creating is to have more followers/subscribers and more people to collaborate with. Those are the two things I think that are holding me back, but it could also be my lack of worth and the need to always bring myself down.      

     This post has nothing to do with my day nor about my diagnosis. All in all, it will be harder for me to work with others and film knowing that I have HIV. It’s a vital stipulation to my prominent closed accounts. All this factors into why I feel like I’m being to harsh on myself. I just do not feel like I’m amounting to anything in my life or accomplishing anything…

✌🏽

4/23/23


Post III


One Man's Trash Is Another Man's Table


     It’s not normal for Tucker and I to have a day where we do not fight about anything, and that was today. It was nice, calming, collective, and even blissful. The energy around us today was great, it was like stepping into a warm bath, with sensual music, bubbles foaming at the brim, and the man you love already soaking. That’s what it felt like and I swear, those are the days I look forward to.

     Beside it being an amazing day between Tucker and I, other things did happen. I got a new dresser which was found next tot the dumpster. That’s where I find the decent furniture that dwells in my apartment. Please do not ask me how many tables I have collected from doing this tactic. 

     I normally find moving in days or out days the best to collect things. Many people do not want their old possessions, in which means that it ends up in the trash. It’s odd also, because there are things that I manifested to be. I once wanted a shower rack, which I did not have the money to spend on one, and then guess what? Yes a shower rack was there, ready for me to take. 

     The serotonin I get from getting something from the dumpster is marked high up there on things that make me content and happy. I just want to clarify, I do not go into the dumpster pod itself, I just looked around at the things that wouldn’t it. The things that are in the dumping zone, and let me tell you people are moronic to leave things that could easily bring them a few bucks.    

     I need all the extra happiness that I can take. With Tucker and I not knowing what is going on between us and me having HIV, it has been a rollercoaster. Not a good rollercoaster either, imagine I’m on the one from Final Destination 3 and the track keeps going while others are perishing around me. 

     I don’t want to get into the negative mindset of all of this. I want to stay positive and I want to make sure that I am strong. Yes, this is something that will affect my entire life and make or break me. I have met some amazing people that have the disease, outstanding people. You could tell from their expression, demeanor, and mindset that they did not let it ruin anything in their life. 

     But what do I know? I could of been reading it all wrong at the time. I tend to do that a lot lately, where I read a person wrong. It’s not usual for me to do that. I can normally read a person for what they are instantly. I have no idea why it’s such a quest now.

     The other things that happened through out the day were soothing and made the day fluctuate pretty well. Tucker took me to Tibet Butler Nature Preserve to go on a walk. It was a nice experience to get some fresh air and just get out of the apartment for a change.

   We walked around the neighborhood. I always enjoy walks with Tucker because it’s just time with him and fresh air. We typically judge men when we walk, talk, or listen to our music and be silent. After the walk I did some of the dishes. Tucker left some of his coffee ground in the sink so the sponge in the shape of a smiley face was covered in human waste

     If this sponge could maintain a smile then why can’t I about everything in my life. I create the happiness that I endure and I will not let anything break me down to the fragile man I know that dwells inside me. That thought made me relaxed as I went to check on Tucker 

     His feelings are rapid like a machine gun. One minute he wants to tell me that he likes me and calls me his boyfriend, other times are opposite. He doesn’t want a relationship at all, he wants the ability to be free. I allowed him to be the entire time and we still didn’t last.

     The best part of today was when Tucker came into the bedroom and told me he missed me. He was teary eyed and you could just tell that he was sad. I few days prior I told him that I missed him, but he was right there. It was a I miss you that meant, I miss us and how connected we were.

     It’s was different now….quite different.

     We talked on and off all day about our relationship. There are times that we both want to be together, example sex. Yet, there are times we want alone time. I love looking at him, telling him he’s all sorts of beautiful, and just ask him what he’s doing. He finds that somewhat annoying, but he always says thank you.

     I have no idea how I will react when Tucker leaves. I don’t want it to come any faster than I want to see a cluster of old people getting it on. You’re welcome for that image in your head, unless you like that sort of thing. And I really hope you don’t…

  It was around one thirty when Tucker told me to stop reorganizing and rearranging my bedroom to go to bed. I was pretty high from smoking and  finished up the room for what I could then climbed in bed with him. Laying next to this man makes everything in the world just melt away. 

     Around one or two A.M was when I could feel my eye lids dropping. I was exhausted due to moving the dresser up three flights of stairs and going on a walk in the prime of day; Florida is brutal with heat. It also didn’t help that Tuckerr and I exchanged passionate time together. All in all, today was amazing, AMAZING, day

     FYI, I have 12 tables in my apartment…TWELVE!

✌🏽

4/26/23


Post XXXIV

     This place, again. I never wrote about the first time I went to jail . but this is this is not the place for that. I swear to god. That I have not been so miserable in all my life. But you reap what you sew I think that is the terminology. And boy. Did I deserve this.

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POST XXXIII

     I am no longer the user in the constant life of an addict. I am the rig. I am constantly filled, smoked, then empty. It's a never ending cycle of torture. Why do I constantly go through it? Because that's just who I am. I am an addict, made by another addict who tried to warn me of the life. 

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POST XXXII

     It started when I was looking over the lake behind Tom's house. I saw many cop cars in the darkness. I said nothing because they would just roll their eyes. Yeah, you bet. It's a fucking TRAP! I had no part of any of this shit that happened. Tom bought a lot of stuff and I should have known something odd was up when him, his ex, and his friend started talking about police raids. 

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POST XXXI

     I am hanging here at my friends house, the one I have been staying ay all day… well the police and who ever are making it look like I am mentally crazy.  Oakley reminded me today hoe yo lock the doors, .and since ive been here the dogs have newer got out beside one time. Today three time and that is not like the dogs Oakley Has been fasting to make it look like that he doesnt smoke Tina. He does, and he has done this since the day we met. 

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POST XXX

     It's ironic that this post is called what it is after the last one was called Safe Place.. Everything comes together eventually, and I will always see the light coming from the smallest crevice. The shadows of these demons are always coming to me at night.

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POST XXIX

     Here I go. So the tactics of the Port Orange Police Department or anything else of that magnitude is corrupt. I know that I am not the best looking person in the world.  I know that sometimes white lies come from my mouth. I know that This iw all my outlook of life and not yours. But I swear on my grandfathers deathbed, I have been harassed by the Port Orange Police Department for months.

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