POST XXIV


There Are Worse Things I can Do...


     Grease is the word. I have no idea why There Are Worst Things I Can Do popped in my head when i woke up this morning, But it was. I fell asleep thinking of something not so good for my mental health. It was a thought of him. I think I am going to stop saying his name. I remember Will telling me that I should never say my ex's name. That was the way that I would get over him. 

 

"Fear of a name increases fear of the thing itself"?

Hermione Granger

 

     Glee did the song justice when they did the Grease tribute in season 4, or was it five. I think it was 4. I loved it because we got There are Wrose Things I Can Do and Hopelessly Devoted To You. Those two songs were my anthem when I lived in Iowa. That was a crazy time in my life. Nothing. Nowhere. Nothing but meth and corn. I swear, how did I make it out of that state without trying that drug there for the first time. Only I would be able to avoid danger and stuff like that. I have a good biill of health, and I am not even thirty two yet.

     I have not tossed my life away like most of the old people that I hang out with, Every single person that I spent most of 2022 with and that  bleed into 2023 were people that have been in jail. I have been so lucky

as a confident person, strong, well minded, independent, and willing. I am all those things still but I am battered and. damaged. My trust issues are blown, I doubt everyone, and I can't even see a Honda without checking the license plate. When a friend told me that he has a friend in town from Orlando, I thought of my ex instantly. When will i go one hour without thinking of him?
     I want to one day do an entire post about my fascination with the show Glee and the songs that are played on that. There are so many layers to that that I can do. I could do a post about the songs themselves, or the charcters and the songs that they sing. There is or has to be a essay that i can write and get it published. Oh, i was a huge Gleek and to prove such a feat, my first tattoo is the mottto of Vocal Adrenaline.  Aut Neca Aut Necatus Eris which means "Murder or be murdered". 

     When I told my old manager from Universal that she was so in awe. She made a small joke about how she did not know that the company hired thugs. Of course they do, i was a fucking game warden for Jurassic Park. And I saw the fucking movie, and I read the book. I was not going to let any Dinosaurs getting out, not even if it was Tiffany the T-rex. FUCK THAT.

     I miss working there. I made the best friend there, and it was Daphne. The day that she met me I was the one that was lucky, The first real memoy I had of her was when shew as walking from the break area, past unload, then on her way to spillway. Typically that was where the T-Rex escaped, every freaking time. It was like every seven minutes, every…single…time. Maybe Daphne could have saved the day this time…. maybe. But we had a small conversation about tv shows and alcohol. That was when we planned to have a meet up with both things. 

     I wonder if I can find that picture of t he night we first spent time together. We got drunk off a game we created, it was a How I Met Your Mother drinkning game. We were meant to go bowling after and we did. I remember we were pretty gone when we got to the place. I flirted with a straight guy the enite night. Then we went out to food. A plate full of Bacon was my go too, and it scared me away from the food for years later.. I can safe say that I NO LONGER puke form the thought of having bacon.

     Daphne has alwwasy been there for me even till this day. I am so happy that I have her in my life, I have known her since she was twenty years old. That's crazy. Her birthday is in four days and she wants to go to the beach. That would be so nice to get out in the sun. I want to go to the nude beach and work on my scars on my ass check. To much information. I am on a roll...

     My mood is so uplifting right now I hope you can figure it out in the words I am expressing...No joke.

     Rick had a good birthday. He won Jeopardy!. And he got ice cream cake. I  do not say this much but rick I appriciate you,. You have been a constant position of authority. You have raised me like you own child and made sure that I had the correct guidance to take on life. Thank you man, I love you more than I love my own father. You are my father.

     Thanks for the last 13 years dude, and to many, many more.

     My current, real father has yet to talk to me since September of 2022. I was seeing Cameron 

     Let's just finish this post by saying something alright-ish. I think that I am doing alright. My life is alright. I need to stop focusing on things that have NOTHING to do with me. That means Tyler, that mean things that do not belong to me, or even the fact that I am all alone in the world and I loveeeeee that nothing I say or do matter anymore,

 

07/12/23

✌🏽


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