POST XVIII

speak now

     This is another situation like May 9th. I am giving up on the constant need to follow the crazy thoughts that pop into my head. I will focus on the things that I need to get done. This is something that I need to do for myself. Me waiting around will not get anything done. So far today I have applied to two jobs, filled out one things, and listened to Speak Now Taylors Version. 

    I say that is progress...

    Today is Taylor Swift Speak Now Day. I never really enjoyed the Album when it was the originial, but there were good songs on it. Story of Us, Mine, Back To December, and Mean. As I re-listen to the tracks I have found new admirations for other sonngs. Haunted, Foolish One, Timeless, Better Than Revenge, and Enchanted.

      I think that this ablum will be something that will motivate me into actually moving on. It's odd that there is always a Swift album coming out when I need it. Last time was Midnights, which helped me move on from Cameron. That's a good way to kjeep track of the life of me, by Taylor Swift release days. 

     Even though my break-up song with Tucker is Hit Diffferent

which came out around the end of May. The song is litereally the way we both ended.  As I am listening it to right now, I am thinking… Was this song written just for me? Especailly the hat part, which is a relic of my relationship.     

     Tucker was meant to go tot he beach with me yesterday. Of course, I waitied around all day to hear from him. He never said anything to me until I texted him arounf six o' clock. It was upset because he gave me an excuse. There is doubt coming from him. He always assumes that the interaction will lead to a bad place.

     That is a negative mind set Tucker, which is somehting you tried to get me to forget. You told me to always think positive and not always be so sad. Well, I am doing so, yet you are reverting to who I was. That is not good, and I thinjk you should listen to your own advice. 

     I broke my glasses yesrterday in frustratiuon. I know that it was not something productive, but I was so upset. I am extremely lonley over here.  My friends do not reach out nor do they even bother communicating with me. I guess that I will have to just stick to my own life. There is much to do.

     I want to return to my writing. I miss the charcters that i created when I was trying to escape the modern day life I lived. This will be a good outloet to get some things off my chest. I will not be starting anything new, i will only be typing up my supernatural story. I need to finish it. 

     If there is antything else I would type it would be my horror stories. I want to get something done this year. There is not reason why I should not accomplish that. I have so much to pull from, and the only thing that Is stopping me is me. I need to stop being that brick that get's stuck behind a car tire. This is my chance to roll away with my creative side. 

     That means I will have to post more on instaram, Twitter, and even Tiktok. Those where the days where I was productive with my skill. I posted a lot on there and I think it is time to go back to my root. Yes, I will still do my content studff, but that will be pushed to the side. I don't even have access to XxSethTylerxX on twitter right now, so...

      bI started watching Tv again. WHen I started th T life I stopped watching TV. Which was sad for me because my entire life was wrapped around what show was on. I had a set schedule, every day had something on. The only show I watched while i was smoking was American Horror Story. I will never miss that show, even if I was dead. 
     The shows that I need to catch up on are: Riverdale, Handmaids Tale, Cruel Summer, Rick and Morty, and other things that are not coming to the mind. But the show that I am watching is The Boys and I have to say that I enjoy it. I was under the impression that it was a lacklusting show about xsex jokes and superhero cliches'. 

     The show is pretty well written. I love the charcter depths of Queen Muave, Starlight, and even Richie… I mean whatever his name is in this show…Oh, Huey. I finished season one yesterday with Rick, my step dad. I just got a nice wiff of doritos and now I am craving them.

    The time is noon, so that does mean lunch. I would go for a sandwhich. Turkey with amefican cheese, mayo, honey mustard, and the chips all mashed in. I hope my step dad comes home soon to I can get something to eat. Clealry I am starving if i wrote down what I was wanting to eat. 

     I cut my hair the other day and shaved my beard. I wanted to hjave a fresh look and to be honest I really enjoy iy. I feel like I am looking like the loner guy from any 80's movie. I think that sort of role would work wonders for me right now. Ill add a picture so you can see, because I do not wantt ot hav e to describe what I look like now. 

     I do not really want to talk about the Fourth of July. I am just happy that it is done and over with. That was an experience I would not want to retell nor do I wanrt to relive. Let's just say that today is day foud. I know, I am a shame. But this is a good reset because I am feeling more motivated and more myself than I have felt in a long time. Yes, this joiurney is difficult, but I know that I can get through it. I have been through worse and soon I will make it though this too.

     That is what matters most. 
     Finding me again.

     7/7/23

     ✌🏽

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